Your guide to enjoying the habs at home.

I live in Toronto. It's a rough city to be a habs fan in; as we had the audacity to ship them via free agency a penalty-box timekeeper pretending to be an all-star defenseman.

That said, living in Ontario, or really anywhere outside of la belle Province makes it incredibly challenging to actually enjoy a Habs game. RDS is hard to stumble upon, Hockey Night in Canada coverage is lacking, and six hour commutes are somewhat inconvenient to see your team.

I'm going to try and keep this fairly affordable and vague. Not everyone can commit thousands of dollars to a home theatre.

So here I present: The Essentials to Creating a Home Habs Experience

1: You will need a TV. Not a computer, not a laptop. NHL Gamecentre on their website has some incredibly unfortunate restrictions with blackouts.. and internet connection latency

2: You'll need a cable box or sattelite. This unfortunately is non-negotiable. You simply wont get more than a dozen games without it.

3: Order the channels! If you need english coverage, you'll be shelling out around $140/season for the Center Ice package, which is great. If that seems a bit excessive you can cut the cost in half by simply ordering RDS, which only sets you back $6 a month, though you get no other teams and your games will be in French. If this is a problem to you, pull up a laptop and watch the game while listening to the CJAD feed off the internet:  http://www.cjad.com/

4: Your experience is going to be limited if you don't have good seating. A good couch or big recliner really helps take the edge off of going 0-10 on the man advantage.

5: Beer, scotch, bourbon, or ginger ale. While not openly promoting alcohol, a good sipping beverage really does add to the experience. And if you like your drinks with kick, they can help you forget it after an embarassing home loss. There's also the added subtle team loyalty if you drink Molson, or only drink Molson when the team is leading. The one buddy you could convince to watch the Habs with you will truly understand your committment.

6: Snacks. Both satisfying and an excuse to leave your seat during commercial breaks and embarassing defensive lapses.

7: Either a buddy or twitter. Just so you're not potentially drinking alone in your basement watching a hockey game with commentary that you don't understand. If you're really good at this you might even want to start a hockey blog.

Thoughts and observations while I give the habs some money via drinking Molson Ex

this is a somewhat euphoric post so hindsight may hurt it later, but just some initial impressions before looking too in-depth at what actually went down tonight, things I noticed, supplemented by statistics

-Cammelleri and Gionta were perhaps the two most ever-present players on the ice, and I'm glad to see that. Camm just needs a goal now.
-Hal Gill fucked up and cost us a goal, but he wised up afterwards and put in a good solid effort
-While the shot totals were ugly, our first and third periods were great. Our second... not so much.
-Carey Price was brilliant. We needed that more than anything
-I did not expect to see Moen and Metropolit so involved in the game's score.
-Hey Komisarek, you had a great bench to sit on watching us score twice right? (Note: When reached for comment, Komisarek's response was "I love you, you love me.." and trailed off into song)
-I'd take any of our new defensive acquisitions over Beauchamin right now.
- ... we can't phone in the second like that. We were outshot rediculously, and thats how come Carey had to put together 43 saves just to get us an OT win.
-It speaks volumes of our new team that we didn't fall asleep at the switch when down 3-2 near the end of the game; even when we won the conference two years ago we'd still sometimes pass out with a momentum-killing late-game goal.
- and most importantly, our "tiny team" outhit Toronto 47-22....

...Truculence.

Tonight, tonight

So, Stubbs, of habsinsideandout (perhaps the best Habs resource out there), has stolen my nickname of the "Big Three"; that dick ! http://www.montrealgazette.com/sports/Gainey+blow+Habs+real+good/2053144/story.html
But seriously I'm honoured. Just remember I did it first.



Tonight the regular season starts. I've got a few beers ready to enjoy the game with and a few more if we lose... and a few dozen if Komisarek scores or injures someone.

I considered liveblogging the game but I felt I'd sacrifice journalistic integrity to take in my first full game since game 3 against Boston last season.

In April you will say "Woa that Torontonian fuckin' called it!"

So, here's what I think will happen by the end of the year with our new aquisitions, solid numbers this time

Gomez will have 65 points. They will be profoundly helpful, high for the team, and will get him crucified by the media.

Gionta will have 25 goals, all either on breakaways or from in rediculously close. He will be loved.

Cammalleri will be better than Phil Kessel and will light the lamp 35 times this season. He will be one half of the only competent aspect of our powerplay

Spacek will be the other half and will have high jersey sales because he has a single digit number, has never scored on the Montreal net while playing for them, and isn't a relative of Barney the dinosaur.

Moen will make Gorges Laraque being waived or bought out less painful.

Gll will be the anti-Jason Blake. By that I mean he will never go past the defensive blue line, will be responsible in his own end, and never shoot the puck all while sporting a killer tan.

Sanford will be fighting Halak to see who can get a second round pick at the deadline or leading the Hamilton Bulldogs to victory.

Mara will have a pretty cool beard and doesn't afraid of anything. Expect him to be invisible, the way a good D-Man should be.. except his plus minus stat will suggest he needs to actually get better at that.

Something about a rivalry

So as Brian Burke decides mortaging two first rounders is apparently worth a sixty point player... when playing next to the number one setup guy in the league, it's effectively hockey time.

Last night's game resembled a PR stunt for Bob Gainey; his new pickups got points, Carey Price looked good, and Curtis Sanford looked like a sieve showing why we can't trade Halak. At time of writing we're losing to the Senators so maybe this propaganda is illsuited... except that 2/3s of the Big Three and Price are not dressed.


Back on topic of Sir Truculent, one thing I'm looking for this season, even more than a post-season position or the competition between Pascal Leclaire and Marian Gaborik on who can play the most games, is a hopeful revival of the habs / leafs rivalry. Sure roughing up Grabo was fun and all, especially when he decides to retaliate against his fierce opponent, the NHL linesman, but really this year I think will be the most exciting series between the two teams. And lets face it, if we're not fighting, the Leafs need to pretend the Battle of Ontario has relevance, and no one wants that.

So here's why the Leafs / Habs rivalry may actually pick up again this year

Size vs Skill: While the Habs aren't nearly as small as we'd like every other team in the league to pretend, we very much are a quick, agile team, next to the pugnastic assault of the Leafs. Our speedy forwards dancing around theirs only to be then rocked by three checking lines will be fun as hell to watch, and is a legitimately different dynamic.

We both actually have players that can fight: Laraque being the de-facto heavyweight is standard by now, but adding Travis Moen is useful if BGL's crippling vegetarianism or back problems stop him from dropping the gloves against Colton Orr, as well as deflecting fists from Grabovski away from the officiating staff. If that fails, at least we can dazzle them with Mara's beard?

Burke and Gainey's UFA pissing contest: Didn't the entire month of July feel like Burke and Gainey moving to grab attention? Be it Burke's microphone magnetism or Gainey's "he seriously signed gionta?" moves, it seemed like the entire off-season was them changing their dynamic and making people think "Those guys are going to suck". Ignoring the negative reaction to team changes depending on where you live, it's kept both the Leafs and the Habs in the limelight all summer, with The Big Three drama, Komisarek deciding one Belarussian mobster teammate was enough, Moen, Mara, and Gill crouching to get in team pictures with Cammalleri and Gionta, and this whole Kessel traded for the Leafs foreseeable future drama, these two teams have not faded. Means that opening night they both get to strut so much more than everyone else.

Komisarek is a backstabbing dick with no tact, who's mouth emits a constant array of untrustworthy bile: Also bears shit in the woods

Montreal's best french player can actually take the body: Though Guilliame is also likely Montreal's ONLY french player, I'm sure this matters when he erases whatever AHL callup winds up in the neutral zone with his head down.

They'll both be fighting for second in the division: Ottawa's yo-yoing positioning notwithstanding, their division is tight, and that means all six meetings actually matter for once, instead of being a curbstomp battle by the conference leader and everyone else middle of the pack, the rest of the conference is likely going to be deflecting much of eastern Canada from the playoffs, making every loss to a divisional rival that much more frustrating... and more fun to watch




We'll find out Oct 1


... Oh and good for theo fleury on the shootout winner. I hate to admit it but that may be his last big moment in the NHL and at least it was in front of thousands of fans who love him.

Less than a month until I run out of excuses for not updating

Well, I'm sure all six of my loyal readers are as let down as Brian Gionta learning he couldn't ride the rollercoasters when the carnival is in town, but I'm getting ready to buckle down and write blogs with actual content and not just jokes gleaned from hockeybuzz comments and DownGoesBrown articles.


I'm not well-connected enough to have the scoop on prospect events and training camp, I'll leave that for people who are actually connected, have real contacts, or pretend to and ask for people to give them money to avoid autoplay videos. That said, we're less than a month away from the season so it's time to see how the conference may play out.

I won't give a seeded rank, I'll just say whether a team will likely be in the postseason or not.

Boston - Boston had an outstanding run last year! They managed to make both Tim Thomas and Paul Maurice look good in one season, which is an outstanding goal. I think though, they'll do what Montreal did last season and drop from first to middle of the pack. Their competition is tougher, their backup is less solid, it's unlikely they'll still have Kessel, they're broke, and Milan Lucic may get serious arm strain after six more thrashings of Mike Komisarek. Expect them middle of the post-season pack. Which, by the way, is where Montreal will be. Here we go again.


Washington - Doing all they can to prove you can win without ever actually using a goaltender, expect Washington to be just as strong as last year. Jose Theodore suffered a terrible loss which will likely effect his playing time. Expect Washington to do better than last season.


New Jersey - Their talented goaltender is aging, their offense that wasnt there is now.. less there.. their coach is more defensive without a whole lot of real defensive tract. Expect them to fall faster than Marty Turco after making a dramatic save.


Pittsburg - They still have Crosby and Malkin. They have less defensemen. Expect them to either finish embarassingly out of the playoffs as it seemed last season and to do their best Carolina Hurricanes impression, or to shock no one and still be a contender.


Philidelphia - If Chelios doesn't resign anywhere, these guys will likely be where I direct aging-defensemen jokes all season. That said it's not as if they've really changed more than that except for adding a goalie with a suspiciously runny nose. Will make the playoffs for sure.


Carolina - Paul Maurice will remember he's actually a bad coach, Cam Ward will realize again he's not good enough to hold a lackluster team afloat. Martin Broduer will cry.


New York Rangers - They lost a playmaking centre and added two wingers; one of which couldn't score on a shootout with an empty net the other is professionally imitating Samuel L Jackson from the movie Unbreakable. Don't expect a long playoff run.


Montreal - Our forwards can get points but can't get on rides at an amusment park. Our defense is tall and slow. Plan the parade. We'll make the post-season in the middle of the pack


Florida - Florida gave up a good D-man for an average one and a good goalie for nothing. Which is exactly what they can expect from this season outside of a high draft pick.


Ottawa - Currently employing two wingers who'd rather be playing elsewhere (thanks for the shout-out by the way, Alex), they nonetheless have at least three players who can light the lamp, and a goaltender who is solid when he's not hanging out with Marian Gaborik and Rick Dipietro in a hospital ward. I honestly can't predict how they'll do considering how different their results with the same group of players are.


Toronto - Proud employer of half the defensemen in the conference, Toronto will be a pain in the ass to face assuming you're a team without a goalie. Look out Washington! Expect them to injure the rest of the division, helpng every other team make the playoffs.


Atlanta - Now with the more threatening additions of Pavel Kubina and Nik Antropov, Atlanta looks to for the first time in recent memory, finish tenth overall.


Tampa Bay - Improved all around, but still have too many question marks for me to assess or come up with something witty about. How is Tanguay making less than Plekanec/


Kansas New York Islanders - Have a star of the future and more backup goalies than anyone should rightly need. Expect them to finish 14th overall to find a winger for Tavares